You haven't experienced the plane flight from hell until you've sat next to this guy:
Crying babies, coughing sickly men, over-talkative grandmas, and chair-kicking kids have nothing on this guy. I was on my way to Pittsburgh, PA for school and I found my self on a flight that got progressively worse.
My classmate and I boarded early and took the outer (window and aisle) seats in hopes of having the middle one free for our jackets and to spread our arms out. We had a good ploy going, her pretending to sleep and me reading a book and avoiding eye contact with other passengers. But, it turned out the plane was full and someone had to take that seat. All I remember is some guy saying to his son, "There's an empty seat right there." Reluctantly, I scooted into the middle seat. Damn that guy, he must've known what he was doing to me!
My first mistake was not pulling the arm rest down between this 20-something year old kid and me. I was distracted with some really strange small talk and made he way onto half of my seat (he was a big kid). I first noticed because he had pushed his leg right up against mine and he kept flinching. I decided to stand my ground, at the cost of rubbing legs with the adult version of Cartman without his A.D.D. medicine. Okay, that was bad, but it got worse.
I thought that things would get better once this oaf fell asleep and stopped twitching. I was tremendously wrong. As soon as Chunk's (from Goonies) twin brother went to sleep, that's when the craziness ensued. First, he snored louder than anything I've ever heard .... no joke. And, this was on a plane packed with people. Then, he flinched like he was leading Beethoven's 5th Symphony - arms up in the air and elbows flying left and right. Eventually, he hung his entire body off of the end of the seat so that his head and arm were completely in the aisleway. Those unfortunate enough to have to pass this guy to reach the restroom would pause, confused on how to squeeze by without waking him up, laugh a little bit, then look over at me with a pitied look as if I was a boy who just got his dog run over. I had the worst seat in the house and they all knew it.
The flight attendant made the mistake of waking the kid up to give him his drink. Predictably, Spanky's (from Little Rascals) slightly retarded uncle fell asleep, one hand in his cup, and then woke up with a spastic toss of ice and Dr Pepper into the unsuspecting crowd. I spent the entire 3 hour 15 minute flight awake in a zombie like state, too afraid of what would happen to me if I dozed off. I thought to myself that falling asleep and facing Freddy Krueger (Nightmare on Elm Street...c'mon, you guys have got to start getting these movie references) would not be such a bad compromise, if I had that option.
All in all, it was a terrible flight. But, at least I got some sweet cameos. Check it!
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