Friday, September 22, 2006

Lead-Up-to-Children Math

Almost every single woman I've talked to that's 24 and older has broken down their own personal lead-up-to-children math. Women must seriously put themselves on a timeline of when then need to do certain things in a relationship in order to have kids by whatever age they think they want them. If you ask a man his timeline he will probably describe where he will be career wise and what salary he wants to make. Ask a woman and you will get how close she is to popping out the first kid.

Here's how one of them went, not word for word:
girl: I have to have them (children) by the time I'm 35, probably before.
girl: By the time I move, I'll be 27.
girl: That leaves less than 7 years.
girl: Date someone a year, and then I'll be 28.
girl: Married at 29.
girl: That gives me 5 years.
girl: And I want to be married a few years before I even think about having kids.

Another girl I know wants to have kids by the age of 29. She's 25. So, she broke it down that she needs to be in a relationship for 3 years and married for a year. So, that gives her a year to meet her future husband. Panic time!

All this shit is ridiculous. No matter how a woman does the math it always comes up that she should be dating her future husband RIGHT NOW (or a half a year ago). It's this kind of mentality that drives good guys away from women who give them ultimatums. This kind of thing needs to stop. It's not good for the women that think this way or the men who are subjected to those expectations. I have a few friends that have been ultimatum'ed and now their ex'es are married to some deuchebags. Women all over are settling for vaginal cleansers because they're too insecure/impatient to wait for what they really want. What happens if you're married, have children, and meet the guy of your dreams? Wouldn't you trade those years that you created with the deuchebag to start over with the kind of guy you'd really want?

Here's my math:

Age 13: Can have kids...chill out.
Age 21: Can have kids...still okay.
Age 26: Can have kids...don't worry.
Age 30: Can have kids...anytime from here on out is okay.
Age 35: Can have kids...can actually afford them now.
Age 40: Can have girls may be out of the question at this point.
Age 55: Can have girls back in the picture - I would't want to take care of the kids.
Age 65: Can have kids...but probably don't want to be like Larry King.

There are other options out there. You can adopt or you can freeze your ovaries. In fact, that's what I'd like to hear from a woman - instead of a timeline of when she needs to have kids, I'd like to hear the timeline for when she needs to freeze her ovaries. A quick Google search found this site that lists costs at about $12.5K to preserve ovaries for 5 years, and $200/yr for storage after that. It would be great if woman did lead-up-to-freezing-ovaries math instead of needing to have children at that age. But, I think that would only change the ultimatums, not eliminate them. I can already tell that women would give ultimatums with an additional option. So it would be: marry me or pay for my ovary preservation by age XX. I'd be down to pay for half.


Kathryn said...

Ouch! You hit a sore spot on me on this one. To begin, freezing eggs is still a very new technology, and was developed in Italy in 2005. So with a track record of a year, I would be hesitant to try it out. On top of that, the success rate right now to get pregnant using frozen eggs is between 40-50%. So for me, freezing eggs is out of the question.

So you say that women are too calculating when it comes to laying their life out to finding Mr. Right. Well perhaps men are not calculating enough. You see these statistics that as women get older, the chance of complications during pregnancy increases. Well, inheritantly, unless you are so wonderful that 25 year olds will date you, year after year, you run the chance of complications during pregnancy as you get older as well.
So, I've done a lead-up-to Children Math for you:
You want to have your last child with a women by the time she is 35. (I'm assuming worst case senerio that you will only have 1 child)
That puts you at a maximum of 45 (That's assuming you can date a girl 10 years younger)
Pregnant for a year: 44
Be married for 2 years: 42
Date them for 3 years: 39
So you have to meet the women of your dreams in 13 years. So you don't have to sweat yet.

But I guess the question that everyone has to ask is, would it be worth marrying someone who is not "the one," and increase your chance of having a healthy baby, or waiting till the right guy, but having complications. Personally, my biggerst fear in life is giving birth to a retarded baby.

Matt Lee said...

Thanks for the response. I was pretty sure that this would hit a sore spot with any female readers.

The website that I went to said that it took an average 19 eggs to produce a successful pregnancy. That's a lot of procedures to generate at least a 3-sigma chance of success.

I think that you totally hit the real issue at hand. It sucks that there is this timeline because people feel rushed to settle down instead of truely finding someone that will make them happy and be "the one".

I don't have any fears about having a baby with difficulties. I think that I'd love that child just as much and take pride in bearing with the adversity. I guess that's another difficult topic. Everybody wants a perfectly healthy baby, but what would you do if it wasn't?