Thursday, January 05, 2006

The Biggest Cop-Out

The biggest cop out that I've ever heard is a constant excuse for being an asshole or not wanting to do ANYTHING. This excuse can get its users out of social obligations, sexual expectations, work, meetings, and basically anything that requires physical or mental activity. This overused, free-ticket-out-of-anything probably was once a valid defense, but the constant abuse has left even the most lenient skeptics agape. Yes, guys and gals, you all know what cover-up I'm talking about: PMS.

This all-too-oftenly used excuse must be subjected to some form of control! Jesus, if women were really on their periods as often as they said they were, they'd bleed to death! Any fool knows that it only occurs once a month, but even the biggest idiot doesn't have the guts to challenge a woman's feminine ambitions. And it's not like men can do the same thing. You don't see rapists getting away with saying, "Hey, I was just filled with all this testosterone, get off my back."

As men, we need to find creative ways to get away with things by blaming our testosterone - just like women do for blaming their PMS. Here are a few examples for men everywhere to use in their lives:

-"Honey, I'm sorry I didn't do the dishes/laundry/vacuuming/cooking like I said I would - I was feeling like I had too much testosterone to do that today."

-"So what if I slapped/kicked you in the face, my testosterone made me do it. Let's not make a big deal about it."

-"I didn't mean to cheat on you with your best friend/sister/MILF/GILF, it was that darn testosterone again."

-"I intended on going to work, but I was home sick all day with testosterone."

-"I would love to cuddle after sex, but the only cure for this testosterone right now is Sports Center and a cold New Castle."

-"Why do I need this medicinal marijuana prescription Doc? Well, it makes me feel better from my bad case of testicular cramps and bloating from my testosterone."

Men, feel free to be creative. Nothing is beyond the realm of possibility. Next time you find yourself in a bind, don't feel bad about falling back on good old testosterone to bail you out - women have been using PMS as an excuse for centuries!


Eric Jones said...

Anything to get my hands on a GILF.

Andrew said...


Did you hear the story about the guy who killed his wife by bashing her head in with a hammer? It's true. Get this, she was trying to cuddle after sex while he was watching Sportscenter or something. "Damn, that bitch wanted to be affectionate! I just wanted to watch my freakin' sports, she had to go!" Too bad the test argument wouldn't work.

Think that's bad? How about a woman drowning her own children in the bathtub?

Matt Lee said...

Haha, yeah I head about that guy who killed his wife b/c he wanted to watch Sportscenter - I wrote a blog on it!

andrew said...

Well, that URL didn't work. I was talking about Andrea Yates. Google for more info.