Today at work I had gas that was so bad that I considered taking a half day off just so that I could go home and let it all go at my leisure.
It was one of those times when the rumbling of gas around in your stomach is so active that it sounds like you're farting already. And, it's always when you have that painful pressure and rumbling that your buttcheeks decide to be such close buddies that any little seep of gas sounds like you're pulling on the valve of a balloon while letting the air out. You have to do that uncomfortable dance in your seat to move the gas around or else it'll just work it's way out in your current position. The new position that you work yourself into is the most obvious and awkward way that you can sit in a seat. If anybody was to take a single glance at you in your chair at a 45 degree angle, balancing on one cheek, and one foot off of the ground, they would be able to tell wassup with no problem.
I'm just glad that it was a Friday and my cubemates left early -otherwise it would be a day with half pay.
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17 hours ago