Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The "V" in V-day Doesn't Stand for Valentine's

The "V" in V-day doesn't stand for Valentine's. According to Wikipedia, Valentine's day was named after two or three men (?), both/all Christian martyrs named Valentine. They were thought to be martyred in 269, 270, or 273. It's rumor that while jailed, Valentine sent a card to a young woman and signed it: from your valentine. Enough boring facts. The point is that it doesn't stand for this guy anymore. I don't know any guys that get excited about the approach of Valentine's Day. Guys don't get anything and have to shell out cash to prove that they care about their significant other. For these reasons, "V-day" will now be known as "Vagina Day".

I'm cool with Vagina Day, but I would also like to propose that there is a subsequent "SB -day." You might be curious what "S" and "B" stand for. Well, what is it that a man wants and appreciates? You got it: steak and blow jobs. That would make me feel special and loved after forking out bucks for candy, flowers, and dinner. From now on, February 15th will be known as SB-day. Thanks to Gary Luu for mentioning that he's heard of this before.

More ponderings about Valentine's Day: who is that cracker baby with wings anyways? It's scary enough seeing a flying baby without putting a bow and arrow in his hands. With divorce rates up to 52% in the US, should we really be trusting our most important emotion to a hovering naked baby? I'm a pretty realistic guy. I realize that it can't be the SAME baby that gets to be cupid throughout all of time. It must be like being master of a dojo - it's handed down from generation to generation to the most worthy. Well, I think that our current Cupid is really screwing up. A lot of people have conjectured who the modern day cupid is, but I've had my own suspicions for years now: it's Gary goddamn Coleman! - he's, like, a baby for life, it totally makes sense.