Friday, September 22, 2006

Lead-Up-to-Children Math

Almost every single woman I've talked to that's 24 and older has broken down their own personal lead-up-to-children math. Women must seriously put themselves on a timeline of when then need to do certain things in a relationship in order to have kids by whatever age they think they want them. If you ask a man his timeline he will probably describe where he will be career wise and what salary he wants to make. Ask a woman and you will get how close she is to popping out the first kid.

Here's how one of them went, not word for word:
girl: I have to have them (children) by the time I'm 35, probably before.
girl: By the time I move, I'll be 27.
girl: That leaves less than 7 years.
girl: Date someone a year, and then I'll be 28.
girl: Married at 29.
girl: That gives me 5 years.
girl: And I want to be married a few years before I even think about having kids.

Another girl I know wants to have kids by the age of 29. She's 25. So, she broke it down that she needs to be in a relationship for 3 years and married for a year. So, that gives her a year to meet her future husband. Panic time!

All this shit is ridiculous. No matter how a woman does the math it always comes up that she should be dating her future husband RIGHT NOW (or a half a year ago). It's this kind of mentality that drives good guys away from women who give them ultimatums. This kind of thing needs to stop. It's not good for the women that think this way or the men who are subjected to those expectations. I have a few friends that have been ultimatum'ed and now their ex'es are married to some deuchebags. Women all over are settling for vaginal cleansers because they're too insecure/impatient to wait for what they really want. What happens if you're married, have children, and meet the guy of your dreams? Wouldn't you trade those years that you created with the deuchebag to start over with the kind of guy you'd really want?

Here's my math:

Age 13: Can have kids...chill out.
Age 21: Can have kids...still okay.
Age 26: Can have kids...don't worry.
Age 30: Can have kids...anytime from here on out is okay.
Age 35: Can have kids...can actually afford them now.
Age 40: Can have girls may be out of the question at this point.
Age 55: Can have girls back in the picture - I would't want to take care of the kids.
Age 65: Can have kids...but probably don't want to be like Larry King.

There are other options out there. You can adopt or you can freeze your ovaries. In fact, that's what I'd like to hear from a woman - instead of a timeline of when she needs to have kids, I'd like to hear the timeline for when she needs to freeze her ovaries. A quick Google search found this site that lists costs at about $12.5K to preserve ovaries for 5 years, and $200/yr for storage after that. It would be great if woman did lead-up-to-freezing-ovaries math instead of needing to have children at that age. But, I think that would only change the ultimatums, not eliminate them. I can already tell that women would give ultimatums with an additional option. So it would be: marry me or pay for my ovary preservation by age XX. I'd be down to pay for half.

Monday, September 04, 2006

60 Days

A lot can change in 60 days. I've gone through so many periods of stagnation in my life that I never thought 60 days could make a difference. I'm the kind of person that has the next 5 years planned out, much less the next 60 days. Well, here I am, a completely different person in a different life than just 60 days ago.

60 days ago I was a 26 year old boy who was living with his cousin, working a steady job, and driving down to LA every other weekend to see his fiance. I've since done a lot of forceful growing up. I bought my first house in Sunnyvale, right next to my work. Handling all of the business, scheduling, and finances involved made me grow up real quick and take an active role in my financial goals. Taking this step and seeing money flow through my hands like water gave me the harsh reality that if things go wrong, I won't just be okay. Spending over $45K in 30 days can do that. But I have a plan, I'm pretty sure I can afford it, and my greediness to make money overcomes the uneasiness in spending it. It's a good thing I like foods like Mac-and-cheese, top ramen, and anything on a Taco Bell menu.

I've also gone from happily complacent in my job to almost feeling angrily insufficient. I thought that my Masters in Mech/Aero Engineering would be good enough for me for whatever I wanted to do, but I see all of my peers and younger getting their Masters or MBA's too. I went to talk to my manager last week to let her know that I'm serious about getting my MBA, Engineering Management, or some other degree. I mean, during the interview I had to work there, she specifically told me that she would support me getting an MBA and that work would pay for it. Well, it's out of her hands, but educational re-imbursement maxes out at $7500/semester now. Doesn't she still owe me her best effort to get me into something? I want to join a leadership program that will look good for my career and also pay for schooling 100%. The bad thing is that I'll rotate out of her group and a job that I really enjoy. Still, I'm an easy going guy and I'll probably like anything that's challenging.

As always, I've saved the biggest for last. The biggest change in my life in the past 60 days is probably what I would have defined AS my life. My fiance and I broke up on 4th of July weekend after a huge fight in Vegas. I could probably dedicate a whole website to what happened if I had the propensity and/or the time. Botttom line is that we weren't meant for each other. We were probably the closest thing to it without actually being there, but it wasn't enough for either of us in the end. The really strange and, to me, surreal part of it is that it all spiraled downhill so quickly and ended so badly. All of the negativity that came in the end made me realize that I don't need anybody else. I remember my friend Eric Jones telling me that you change and you change and then one day you think to yourself - I don't even know who I am anymore. People shouldn't have to make those kinds of sacrafices for each other, no matter how much they are in love. And, it's not easy to leave love behind. I still love Quinn and the hypothetical future that we had worked together for 3 years to build with both our visions in mind.

In the end, the letdown was so great that I couldn't even stand to talk to her anymore. Neither of us could stand it. Her, even more so. After the break-up we would spend our conversations arguing over the legistics of who's fault it was and trying to convince ourselves that breaking up was the right thing to do - which it was. I didn't have the person anymore that I could call on the phone and tell about my day. I remember that I was so excited the day that I got my house, but when I got the keys and stepped into it for the first time I realized that I didn't have anybody to share it with. When you have someone special, every day you remember what happened just so that you can tell them and you can have one more story or common opinion about something between each other. Now, I just drudge through and nobody cares about something mundane like me buying a new desk or giving a good presentation at work. After the break up, all I had was this person who I had to edit my life for so that I wouldn't be accused of something new the next day. All of my jokes were interpreted as insults and I interpreted all of her discussions with her friends as them hating me.

After all of this change, I'm left with a lot of sadness, but also a bit of excitement. I'm sad that I'm not living as close to my immediate family, cousins, and good friends Servando, Jones, and Goose. On the other hand, I live closer to some really great people that I met at work. And, I'll never stop hanging out with my brother, cousins, or the Fearsome Foursome crew. I have extra time now since I'm not commuting an hr each way to work and driving down to LA every other weekend. If I had to guess, I'd say that I'll save $450 or more a month on girlfriend expenses (gas, rental car, food, etc). My mortgage will more than offset that though. Hopefully, I'll be able to persue another degree and feel good about where I am. Hopefully, I'll also date around and not take everything so seriously. My past two relationships were 4 1/2 yrs and 3 yrs - that pretty much took me through undergrad, grad school, and into the working world. It's really going to take someone special to convince me into being my old self again. I've gotten burned too many times to have faith in anybody anytime soon. Finally, as a 26 year old man, I feel okay with being a bachelor for the rest of my life. Ever since I started thinking about it at around age 10, I've always wanted a wife and kids. But, as long as I can get some dates and I have good friends and family, then I'll be alright. Oh, and lots of money too.