Monday, January 31, 2005

Poor Kid

I just felt the inclination to share a little something that happened that I thought was a bit funny today. I was in the grocery store getting some cereal to eat for dinner and I hear over the load speaker "Tim, your mom is waitinig for you in the front." I just got a flashback of all of the embarassing things my parents did to me growing up. Some guy must have been thinking the same thing because he said "Poor kid, that's embarrasing." But then I see this 40+ year old man running to the front with a jug of milk in his arm. It was Tim.

One embarrasing story that I can think of that was caused by my parents was the last time my girlfriend came to visit me and we hung out with them. They always remember stories of you in the most embarrasing ways. I swear that half of them are made up. Anyways, they recounted about how I used to suck my thumb until the 3rd grade and that they had to put a cast over my thumb to get me out of the habit. Of course, my dad throws in, "Yeah, and he sucked through the whole cast!" First of all, I don't think that's possible without causing some major health issues. Second of all, I distinctly remember dismantling that thing and throwing it in the trash. Girls used to think it was cute. I wonder if they would dig it today. Nah, it would probably be just construed into some weird Freudian oral fixation having to do with strippers, two goats, and a pirate named "Willie."

Anyone and everyone, please post the most embarrasing story your parents can't help but tell whoever you're trying to impress at the moment. Or else, tell a story about when they just embarrased you.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Quyen Nguyen


Quyen in Tahoe

Since I started my blogs, my girlfriend, Quyen, has asked me why she hasn't been mentioned. This is the end of that.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Goodbye to Goodwill

Wow, I just finished my community service at Goodwill. Everyone that I tell that I'm done keeps saying "wow, that was fast." Yeah, well I guess if you're on the outside looking in, it may seem fast. But not when you're spending 10 hours a day picking up clothes and wracked with allergies that make your head hurt when you sneeze. Not when you're looking at your watch every 5 minutes, thinking that it's been 30 minutes. Not when you're forced to check if your watch is broken every night when you get home, actually thinking that it runs backwards when you're not looking. My allergies made me so tempted to just start using shirts as handkerchiefs. The last two days were hell. There was this $2 sale, where all clothes were $2. Needless to say, tons of people showed up and started just throwing clothes on the floor. Guess who had to pick them up and hang them again? Yo (points to self). I've never had allergies that bad before. Two consecutive nights I was unable to sleep because I couldn't breathe or my nose would start running and wake me up. On a positive note, I was able to donate $3000 of goods for my tax deduction.

I mentioned sneezing in the paragraph above and it made me think of the most painful thing that your body does to itself. Has anyone ever woken up in the morning or ran to the bathroom with a bladder full of pee, barely making it there, and letting loose with full velocity? I'm sure everyone has. But have you had the unfortunate circumstance of also catching an itch on your nose and having to sneeze at the same time? You're already peeing at maximum force, and then this huge gush tries to make you pee even faster...that just plain sucks. It's like there's a little implosion right there in your privates. Why Body, why would you do that to me? Next time I have to sneeze while peeing I may just hold my nose closed and blow out my eardrums instead. Then we'll see who's boss. Bitch-ass Body.

I keep promising to write about my court experience, and probably nobody cares anymore (or ever cared) but I'm a man of my word and I'll get that out since I'll have more time because Goodwill is overwith.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

I Got A Job!

Okay mom and dad, before you get excited, no- it’s not at Lockheed Martin, Boeing, Raytheon, or Genentech. I got a job at Goodwill, where I’m doing my community service. I pretty much got jacked and was assigned 10 days (80 hours). Shit, I mean, drunk drivers get 2 days; people caught stealing get 60 hours.

The end result of my case of “possession of a prohibited item in a sterile area” charge was a plea bargain of 10 days community service and assignment into APPS. I took the plea bargain because I didn’t have the money to hire a private lawyer and I didn’t like the idea of possible jail time (what choice did I really have?). APPS is something where I have to watch a video and complete a workbook. I decided to work 8 10 hour days instead of 10 8 hour days, but it’s hella tiring. I work form 10am to 9pm. Goodwill isn’t a bad place to work at, but I thought that I might get a chance to work with senior citizens or problem kids. At least that way it would have made sense why I was put in that position- maybe I could have helped someone out and changed their lives. Now, this shit makes no sense to me again and the only fulfillment I get is that it opened my eyes to the world of Goodwill. Seriously, it’s like a whole different world. It’s a world where nobody is superficial or judgmental and you can get a “new” suit for $20. In this world, everyone can afford warm clothes and blankets. Books to read are 50 cents and Backstreet Boy CD’s are $2 (Oh joy!). Customers are friends and criminals are upstanding citizens. You can drop off a bag of T-shirts and claim them as however much you want in order to make sure you get your maximum tax break for the year. This place is so fantastic that you can now replace “shopping” with “working.”

Not that my experience has been a ball of fun. All day, you stand and rack clothes, shoes, dishware, records, electronics, appliances, furniture, bags, purses, toys, books, linens, ceramics, and whatever else is in a typical household. Good thing I’m not a germ-a-phobe because some things are plain nasty! Shoes have the expected funk, but the worst things are linens. Better check the sheets before you buy them because chances are there’s a poop stain right in the middle. Okay, I didn’t actually see poop stains, but there are definitely some unsolved mysteries appearing on these things.

I’ll write more about the whole (BS) judicial process in my next post.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Register

Damn fools, just register. I don't always know who's leaving these posts. This is run by Google, so they won't spam you. Also, you can reserve that sign in name in case you want to make a blog later.