Wednesday, March 02, 2005

10 Types of People I Hate Most

Hey y'all. It's been awhile since my last post. I don't like posting stuff that's boring or too overly personal to be read. So here's an anecdote:

10 Types of People I Hate Most

10) Ugly people that think they're pretty
Celine Dion. I hate that bitch. She thinks she's so pretty when really she's one of the ugliest people on the planet. Kill Celine Dion, she's the devil.

9) Flaming Homosexuals
I can handle a normal homosexual. I even take solace in the fact that I can walk around SF and see two guys kissing or holding hands without anyone thinking that it's weird. That's cool. What's not cool is when gay guys feel that they need to let the whole world know that they're gay. You know, the one's that are always wearing bright pink and bouncing off of the walls, talking with their fake lisps and blinking excessively. These people affectionately refer to men and women alike as "girlfriend" or "sister." These people make me want to kick them in the penis so that they remember what they are.

8) Cheapskates
It's one thing to be frugal, and it's another to be cheap. Cheapskates will argue with you over the bill until you end up paying their tax and tip because you ate more of the bread that the waiter brought to the table. Cheapskates will use your toothpaste, soap, shampoo, TV, and couch for free, but insist that you share the cost of the new light bulb they bought for your lamp. They will use your toilet paper when you put some on the roll, but as soon as it runs out they take their own roll in and out with them when they go bathroom. They eat your food when you're not there. They borrow your car and don't put in any gas. They defy all reasoning of what is fair and just in this world. Oh well, at least you're not going on dates with one of these people...or are you?

7) Smelly people
Anyone who walks by you, and you have to hold your breath until the stench that follows them passes by, falls into this category. Everybody knows someone or has passed by someone who refuses to take hygiene seriously and shower or wash that old sweatshirt (s)he wears every day. I don't mind a stink from working out or just being out all day, but it gets out of hand when your funk is permanently fused your skin. I'm tired of holding my breath when smelly people walk by, too afraid to breath because of the possible diseases I could be ingesting.

6) Spoiled kids
Even if you went to a public high school, there was at least one of these kids who thought that they were the shit because their mommy and daddy bought them a new BMW. All of the kids who appeared on MTV's "Sweet 16" show about their ridiculous sweet 16 birthday parties epitomize this category. You are not better for what you have. You didn't even earn what you have, your mom and dad bought it for you. I hope that you'll be broke one day in your cockroach infested one room apartment and realize that you have to work in this world to get what you have.

5) FOBs
Fresh Off the Boat. I'm talking particularly about Asians here, but there's a group of these for every race. I'll just use Chinese since they are my biggest gripe. These are the type of people who speak English, but only speak Chinese to each other, even when you're around and they know you don't speak. I don't know if there are different volume meters for different languages, but once someone starts speaking Chinese, it sounds 10 times louder. And then there are the FOBs who smoke cigarettes while in the crouching position outside of Cyber Cafes next to their loud rice rocket Honda Civics with their Tommy Hilfiger jackets on. They make all Chinese people look bad and should start getting deported more actively than Mexicans. Let's not confuse them with BOBs (Been Off the Boat, my new term). BOBs are great. They realize that they're in America now and that we speak English and don't need moth balls in all of our clothes. I think that I would rather be a BOB than an ABC (American Born Chinese). They still have a lot of culture and are embracing the American lifestyle.

4) Rude people
Being polite can get you far in this world. Unfortunately, being rude can also cause a lot of bad things to happen to you. I have a friend (who will go unnamed, except that his initials are EBJ) who wiped feces all over some girl's car just because he felt like she was rude. Don't let that happen to you (and if you do, I have a good idea of who it was). Being rude to me is one thing, but being rude to my lady is something that will drive me crazy. It makes me feel like yelling at that person and making him feel so bad that the next day he throws himself off of the nearest bridge.

3)Loud people
You've met this person. She's the trick bitch on the opposite side of Starbuck's who's yelling her brains out to tell her friends about how her boyfriend is cheating on her- and that she still loves him. She yells because she thinks that her life is so interesting that it would be a crime if someone didn't hear a syllable of what she had to say. Her friends want to tell her to shut up or keep it down, but she's too busy rambling on about how Brad Pitt is sooo her type and pointing out that homeless people need to get jobs. She doesn't speak to keep her listeners interested, she speaks because she likes the sound of her own voice. SHUT UP BITCH!


To be continued...

What type of people do you hate most? Please comment.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA. Dang Matt. Angry much! firstly, i really don't know where the mongolian buffet restaurant is because it was snowing really bad and i wasn't the one driving. i was kind of scared and so i closed my eyes and fell asleep.

okay. i like the cheapskates one. i understand wanting to save money but those people suck. i esp. hate those people who say they don't have money and than buy themselves tight ass rims for thier car the next day.

oh and i hate it when people eat like cows and they make noises when they chew. and uh, self deprecating people of any race who look at people of thier own culture and say i hate ____ blank. on the other hand i hate self righteous people of any race. chill out! get a hobby. who cares if in only speak english

have a nice day matt lee.
jodie

Andrew Jang said...

I love this entry. Can't wait for #1 and 2.

I gotta say that Celine Dion isn't the Devil. That gives the Devil a bad name!

Who do I hate? Bloggers! Who needs em? No, really, how about a smelly people subtype: dirty-ass, white-dread, hippies who haven't showered in a month, but bathe in patchouli. Disgusting!

Matt Lee said...

Jodie,
It's okay. My parents don't have anything else to do, so finding this place may be fun for them next time they're up in Tahoe. Yeah, I hate ppl who always say they are broke and won't spend money on hanging out w/ you, but then they get a new snowboard for their collection.

Drew,
I'm glad that someone else shares my loathing for Celine Dion. I hate some hippies too, but they DO make good cookies and brownies. I admit, I had to look up 'patchouli.' I've never smelt any specific kind of oils on hippies before. Mostly B.O. and dread locks.

Stay tuned for #1 and #2.